If I could just…
How often do you start sentences like this? If I could just… feel better, then I can begin to feel better. If I could just… not have these distressing thoughts, then I could be productive. If I could just… not be so anxious, then I could have more friends. If I could just…
Sometimes, it can feel like the life you want to lead is one break away from your reality. Yet, how long has that feeling been there? When has that phrase produced change?
Let’s try to listen to those words with different ears. There are three things we can do with language
notice details
evaluate what is helpful or unhelpful
problem-solve.
Notice:
I feel tension in my chest when I feel stuck and say “If I could just…”
I notice I’m looking at the floor when that thought crosses my mind.
I notice when that thought pops up it’s not really related to what I’m actually doing.
Evaluate:
The phrase could be helpful if I had control over what was missing.
The phrase typically makes me feel worse and not good enough.
This could be a helpful and unhelpful form of perfectionism or procrastination.
Problem Solve:
First, what is the problem exactly? Is it genuinely that the feelings are unhelpful?
Could the problem be feeling stuck?
Is feeling stuck and changing within your control? If it’s not, like how you don’t always have control over your thoughts, can you effect change while holding space for your discomfort?
Often, feeling overwhelmed is an indication that we would benefit from one of two things: a perspective shift or movement. If you're feeling like you’re “just” one step away from feeling better, what is a half-step to that step?
For example, If I just wrote more blogs, I could increase my search rankings then I could help more people. Well, on average, it takes 400 blog posts to get to the first page of search rankings, and I have… two. So a half-step is focusing not on the bigger picture of ranking since that’s preceding feeling overwhelmed; rather, the focus can be on something in my control; on writing one blog post and entering the arena.
Join me in your first step today. Using these automatic, random firing of neural networks, we call “thoughts” and decide today, what is a half-step to the life you want to lead, and can you take that half-step today?
